Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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