That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize