david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize