I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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