peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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