he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize