Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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