fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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