i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
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I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
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We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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