That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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