My cat gives me a boner
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize