After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
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I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
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I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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