1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
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I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Sorry my hands just texted you
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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