you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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