What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
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Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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