the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
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my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
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Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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