Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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