why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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