Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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