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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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