We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
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She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
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You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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