Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
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he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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