If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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