Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize