I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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