'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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