Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize