Who did Billy Mays play for?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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