fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
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I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
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Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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