I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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