It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize