dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
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according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
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New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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