I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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