Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize