omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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