12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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