I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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