Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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