My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize