So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize