he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
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right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
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My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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