I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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