Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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