I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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