He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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