I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize