Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
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He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
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I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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