Your mouth is God's brothel.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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