i think my tv is drunk
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
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Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
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hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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