what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize